True story:
A Connecticutt man was taken to Bridgeport Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation after he led authorities on a high-speed chase Monday and then claimed to be Vice President Dick Cheney.
John Spernak, 42, later admitted he wasn’t the vice president, but actually Jaclyn Smith, star of “Charlie’s Angels." He also claimed to be the husband of Paris Hilton’s sister, police said.
Spernak was driving over 90 mph, hit a patrol car and was shocked with a stun gun before police could arrest him. He was charged with attempted first-degree assault, engaging police in a pursuit, reckless driving, criminal mischief, interfering with police and being in a town park after dark, police said.
The police officers were on a routine patrol when they spotted Spernak in his parked car, who drove away as they approached.
Truer story:
me: do u think someone would poison me with scratch and sniff stickers?
serious question
lindswillslapu: i dont know if that works that way
me: hmmm
i got a letter from a deranged man covered in scratch and sniff stickers and i scratched grape
like an asshole
lindswillslapu: derenged man?
me: now i feel dizzy....psycho-somatic
yea dude...we got a letter sent here and i got it...ill bring home
its nuts
lindswillslapu: what does he want?
me: we just had a big marketing campaign drop two weeks ago...and whenever there are returns (invalid address) the letter gets sent back to me and i send along to have them taken off our file
it looks like he got our letter in the mail and sent us back stickers and a newspaper article from when he was arrested in 2007 for claiming he was dick cheney and married to nicky hilton
i can't even make this up
lindswillslapu: WHAT???
wowsers
me: yea
oh dont worry
im bringing home to share the joy
i mean its just pages of stickers...so random
but anyway i scratched grape cause i love it and i dont want to die
he also sent a dollar bill
presumably for cocaine use
and a photocopy of a wedding ring
with stickers on it
f*ing creepy
lindswillslapu: HOLY SHIT
Good him
Goggle him
me: his name is john f spernak
lindswillslapu: google that sycho
me: i did
it basically says what the article says
lindswillslapu: could be made up
name
he used to be thqat guy
me: so so weird
lindswillslapu: totally]
me: pretty cool way to die though
scratch and sniff
lindswillslapu: it would totes make the news
me: if i make it through until tomorrow...there's a mixed berry sticker im dying to smell
lindswillslapu: literally dying to smell
me: literally
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