Something your dad does that I pretend to hate (but secretly love)

The same week that you became the size of a bell pepper, you also gained the ability to hear the outside world around you. I was instructed by some silly baby app to read, play music and talk to you. You've heard a lot of me listening to the Garden State soundtrack (don't ask-it's been a rough month) and yelling a whole bunch (at Lucy, at commercials, at trying to open cereal boxes). 

Because of all my loudness, your dad insists on whispering to you so he doesn't hurt your brand new baby ears. Last Wednesday I was eating Chinese food on the couch and spilled it everywhere. He leaned in super close to you and whispered 'your mom just got brown rice all over you'. 

Gum

Dear baby-

I am apologizing in advance in the event that I have somehow seriously harmed you. When I was dusting the bar on Saturday, I was completely overcome by the desire to eat stale (oh so very stale) bubble-gum cigarettes that we have displayed next to the booze for a few years now. Admittedly, they look pretty rad there because it's campy? I guess...or whatever. But it's kind of been an unspoken rule that no one should be eating them. And not only did I eat the gum, but I swallowed it.  I am pregnant-snacking like a misbehaved dog that has been left home alone for too long. Next, couch crumbs.

I ate 3 cigarettes within minutes. They're fashioned out of  'dusty gum' and you'll become acquainted with dusty gum from trading cards, or at least I hope so anyway....it's quite possibly illegal now and you'll most likely get some bullshit sticker. But, we have plenty of un-opened packs of New Kids on the Block and The Goonies cards for you.

So good news for your 8-year-old self....there will always be stale gum in this house one way or the other.

Go ahead and eat some-life's too short not to.