Gum

Dear baby-

I am apologizing in advance in the event that I have somehow seriously harmed you. When I was dusting the bar on Saturday, I was completely overcome by the desire to eat stale (oh so very stale) bubble-gum cigarettes that we have displayed next to the booze for a few years now. Admittedly, they look pretty rad there because it's campy? I guess...or whatever. But it's kind of been an unspoken rule that no one should be eating them. And not only did I eat the gum, but I swallowed it.  I am pregnant-snacking like a misbehaved dog that has been left home alone for too long. Next, couch crumbs.

I ate 3 cigarettes within minutes. They're fashioned out of  'dusty gum' and you'll become acquainted with dusty gum from trading cards, or at least I hope so anyway....it's quite possibly illegal now and you'll most likely get some bullshit sticker. But, we have plenty of un-opened packs of New Kids on the Block and The Goonies cards for you.

So good news for your 8-year-old self....there will always be stale gum in this house one way or the other.

Go ahead and eat some-life's too short not to.